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About Other / Hobbyist Summer ShineFemale/United States Recent Activity
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I can't fucking take it anymore.
I'm nothing but trash.

I will be nothing to people other than that.

I  will always be the moron, I will always be the worthless one, and I will always be the punching bag.

Nothing will change, they've taken everything from me, my joy, my passion for art, my love and care for my loved ones.

The only way to get by in this world is to be exactly like them. Cold and heartless. 

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09099aazz
Summer Shine
Artist | Hobbyist | Other
United States
I'm just practicing to achieve my career of becoming an animator not much to say. Enjoy your visit on my page if you can :3
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:iconaspiringcreator:
AspiringCreator Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2016
Please my friend, let me know if you're okay.
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:icon09099aazz:
09099aazz Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2016  Hobbyist Artist
I'm not okay in the fucking slightest 


I literally want to kill myself
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:iconaspiringcreator:
AspiringCreator Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2016
Also another thing to note is this. The person who completes suicide, dies once. Those who are left behind i.e. people like me and all your other friends will die a thousand deaths trying to relive those experiences to try and understand... why?

For me, losing a loved one is already hard enough as it is for many people but if that person took their own life? It's far, FAR worse. Your death would destroy me no matter what but if I were to hear like the next morning that you killed yourself? I would feel a massive amount of guilt and shame as would your friends since we couldn't stop it. Some people will even fall into depression like you did as the death would create a ripple effect and once someone else follows through with the same act, that ripple only increases.

I know this won't exactly mean much to you but if you ask me, life isn't about waiting for a storm to pass rather it's about learning how to dance in the rain and as much as you'd like to say that it's not working, I want you to ask yourself. How is it that you kept yourself going for this long in the first place?
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:iconthunderstudent:
thunderstudent Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2016
Well said AC, couldn't agree more with what you said :).


to :icon09099aazz:: Depression is a horrible monster to deal with, I've been through it. But You CAN beat it, while you're alive you have the ability to get help and better yourself. But all the dead are dead alike. Killing yourself is the greatest disservice you can to yourself and those who care about you. Sometimes you just need to try to let go of the past and move on with your life. Holding onto something so negative will only end up tearing you down. You may need to see a doctor or psychologist about it because your depression could be clinical. Lots of people suffer from it including myself so you aren't alone. We're here for you, so don't give up on yourself.
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:iconaspiringcreator:
AspiringCreator Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2016
It's considered that way because to a lot of people, anyone who's desperate enough to even contemplate suicide should be desperate enough to go to any creative extreme they can to solve problems and do what they always wanted to do but were so afraid to try. To them, the idea of someone killing themselves because of them not feeling any happiness despite how they have friends and family who would obviously miss them and be affected by the death is ridiculous.

Of course again, I don't consider it selfish since only one can imagine the kind of pain someone must be going through to even get to this point but at the same time, I can't help but admit I have a little bit of the same thought process behind this though unlike some of those guys, I'm willing to help.

What I want you to do is put your hand on your heart. Notice that beating and the feeling it gives off? That's called a purpose. You're alive for a very good reason and so you shouldn't ever give up. I mean hell, you said on your profile that you want to become an animator right? Wouldn't killing yourself take you away from this dream and make it to where you can never return to it? (Cont. in next reply.)
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:iconaspiringcreator:
AspiringCreator Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2016
I know how you feel, I've been at that point before where I feel life is pointless and that I can't and shouldn't go on.

But then, when I felt like giving up, I remembered the reason I held on for so long. I remembered I had friends and family and I thought about the sheer amount of pain it would cause them to see that I had taken my own life. I remembered what I wanted to do in this world and the dreams I had yet to accomplish and used that to keep going! Because I wasn't going to let myself be down in the dumps long enough for me to ruin the lives of many because as you should know.

Suicide doesn't end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it getting any better. It also destroys any possibility of you achieving your dreams because it takes you right out of the world and you end up feeling empty. It also (and please forgive me for messing this up since I'm not religious.) is commonly regarded as something that will send another person to hell as it's considered selfish and while I myself don't think of it that way, I do understand why it is (Cont. in another reply.)
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:iconaspiringcreator:
AspiringCreator Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2016
Even with all the support I've been giving you?
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:icon09099aazz:
09099aazz Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2016  Hobbyist Artist
Yes....I appreciate all of it i've gotten but I can't do it the way you got out of this. I want to thank everyone but I just can't feel anything. I need to confront the past to try and get out of this but i'm so afraid to now because of how much it hurts. I'm grateful that you and your friends been spamming my inbox with love and support but I don't want anymore. I just need to confront the past but I don't know how to anymore. 
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(1 Reply)
:iconaspiringcreator:
AspiringCreator Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2016
Hey, are you okay? Your silence is really concerning me.
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:iconthunderstudent:
thunderstudent Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2016
You're very smart and talented, don't let the haters bring you down!
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